Her vagina should come with caution tape.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
