he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
