i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
