I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
