in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
