i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
