how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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