Define "chronic" masturbator.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
