Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
