So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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