At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
