The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
