the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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