hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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