take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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