P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
