Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize