I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
