yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
