I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
