i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just google imaged poop.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he told me I talked like a deaf person
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
