fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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