Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
