forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
