checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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