I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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