woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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