Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
