So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
