I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
