it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
