My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
