i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You may now shotgun with the bride
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize