but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
