Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
