spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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