Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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