I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
