saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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