You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
