Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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