A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
