So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
