Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
