Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
