NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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