Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
