I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize