he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
