I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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