This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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