I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
