You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize