I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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