next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
