Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
