he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize