dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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