If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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