I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
