saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize
