I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
