once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
