I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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