Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
