Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
