why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
