I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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