if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize