I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
