i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
